At Progressive University, every Monday morning is Happy New-Week Day.

Every Monday morning, the President sends an email to all faculty and staff — and cc’s the DNC.

In her email, she provides a bold, bullet-point list of important topics we should all discuss this week.

All week, that’s all anyone talks about.

Today, her email said “It’s spring! Talk about the days getting longer! Talk about the leaves on the trees!”

Then, in the hallway between classes, I bump into the Spanish professor. “It’s spring!” he says.  “La Primavera!”

I see the astronomy prof in the men’s room. They say, “Days will start getting longer!”

Outside on the quad, I spot the chair of the art department. “Look!” she beams. “Have you seen all the leaves on the trees?”

“Hey!”  I say. “What’s the latest news on that administrative corruption scandal?”

She looks at me surprised: “Was that in the email???”