Happy Birthday, Capricorns!

Mountain goat in a suit and tie seated at a smoky bar with a whiskey glass and birthday umbrella.

I love Capricorns.

Capricorns are earth signs. At first, they can come across as a bit old-fashioned, a bit stuffy and cold.

Like Kim Jong Un.

The Capricorn symbol is the goat. The rugged mountain goat. The one that scales rocky peaks, then looks back and wonders why it’s all alone.

Like Richard Nixon after Watergate

Capricorns are ruled by the planet Saturn. Saturn is the CEO of the Zodiac.

The Jeff Bezos of Amazon.

That’s why Capricorns are all so damn ambitious, so damn determined, and so damn boring at parties.

Take Capricorn Denzel Washington. Star of stage and screen. Two-time Academy-Award winner.

But do you really want to party with a Pentecostal Preacher?

“Excuse me,” you say. “Reverend Washington, would you care for another cocktail?”

He fires back with brimstone: “Follow not Satan down the road of cock and tail!”

Consider four-time NBA-champion Lebron James.

You do not want to bump into this guy at a party.

One accidental nudge and he’s screaming: “Foul! Foul! He touched me! He touched me!”

It is the mission of every Capricorn man to find himself a mission in life — something to strive for, something to pursue.

And it’s the mission of every Capricorn woman to find a man with a mission.

Michelle Obama found herself a future president.

Kate Middleton found herself a future king.

What happens when a Capricorn woman does not find a man with a mission?

That’s when you get Greta Thunberg. Always angry. Always complaining. But always out to save the Earth.

What do You Think?

Are you a Capricorn yourself or know one close enough to confirm or deny? Let me know in the comments.

Ladies & Gentlemen… Papa Gringo!!!

Now that Saturn’s gone direct, it’s time to move forward with the stand-up comedy classes, which start tomorrow night in the heart of San Francisco’s legendary North Beach.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been jotting down ideas on a yellow legal pad, sketching out jokes and bits for introducing Papa Gringo to an imaginary crowd.

Here’s one possible opening. Please let me know what you think.

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Hi, I’m Papa Gringo.

Yes, that’s a fake name.

The name Donald Trump has got to be a fake name.

If not, that’s child abuse.

Trump, alone, sounds frumpy and dumpy.

Then you add Donald Duck.

No wonder he’s a quack.

Take the name Ronald Reagan.

As an actor, that was the president’s stage name.

His real name was… Ronald Reagan

In his case, the name was real but the man was fake.

And why are the Republicans’ two biggest presidents named Ronald and Donald?

Ronald McDonald is a fake name.

The point is, with a fake name, you can be the real you.

So, here are some real truths about the real me….

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What Do You Think?

Should I give up my day job? Ideally, I need a few good laughs in the first thirty second. Let me know if you got any ideas.

Effects of Saturn in Retrograde

A rams head, the planet Saturn, and a floating gold fish.

Feeling Frustrated? 

If your recent bright ideas have seemed to suddenly dim, if your energy feels jammed or your mojo jacked — you are not alone!  The planet Saturn, now in retrograde, has been throwing cosmic curveballs, striking out our swings at success, sending us back to the bench in the dugout. 

Last spring, on May 25, Saturn entered the sign of Aries, which is normally a time when passionate actions yield promising results.  With Saturn in Aries, we often initiate ambitious projects, accept leadership roles, and embrace a pioneer spirit. 

Back in June, plump summer dreams were ripe on the vine.

But then, on July 13, Saturn turned retrograde, and all our dreams seemed suddenly dashed.  

So What Does Retrograde Mean?  

Physically, as we stand on the Earth with a telescope and track the orbital path of Saturn, a night arrives when the planet appears to reverse direction.  This apparent retrograde occurs when the planet begins to orbit the back side of the Sun while the Earth continues to orbit in front. 

Metaphysically, when a planet goes retrograde, all its positive characteristics are negatively influenced.  What’s strong is weakened.  What’s possible is paused. 

The planet Saturn is the CEO of astrology, the quarterback of our natal charts.  When entering Aires, Saturn adopts the energy of the ram – headstrong, impetuous, confident, determined.   

However, when retrograde, Saturn in Aries begins to second-guess itself.  Confidence wanes.  Caution delays success.  Ever since mid-July, our dreams from early June have seemed hopelessly stalled, no matter our attempts to advance them.   

Luckily, Bad Spells Don’t Last Long

Today, September 1, Saturn leaves the sign of Aires and slips into the introspective waters of Pisces.  Normally, this would feel like stepping into a luxury bubble bath.  Our Saturn CEO would sip champagne and dream of future possibilities. 

But Saturn will still be retrograde, so Pisces negativity will drown our CEO in emotional uncertainty.  We are likely now to abandon our recent ambitious plans, then agonize with guilt for having given up so soon.

Fortunately, on November 28, Saturn ends its retrograde, turns direct again, and resumes its orbit on the same side of the Sun as the Earth.  At that point, we’ll begin to enjoy the positive Pisces traits.  We’ll begin to re-imagine our abandoned plans from spring.  We’ll begin to re-build our emotional core.

A Bright Future in 2026

Early next year, on February 13, Saturn, still going direct, will re-enter the sign of Aries.  Our CEO will once again step up to take charge, to direct immediate action, to lead the campaign toward success.

For me, personally, back at the end of May, I addressed a long-lingering health concern. Complications arose in mid-July, and now I’m due for a Pisces pity party. 

Eventually, though, based on the stars, things will turn around come November.  Come February, I’ll be fully back in shape and ready to conclude the last couple years of my career.  After that, I’ll likely retire in the Spring of 2028, right as Saturn enters the sign of Taurus.  

How About You?

Has Saturn in retrograde effected your recent plans and actions?  Let me know in the comments.